Monday, November 25, 2013
The purpose of this post is two-fold. The first, and less important, is to introduce you to one of my favorite musicians, Devin Townsend. The second is to tell you about my Monday(s) and ask you for prayer.
My Mondays consist of teaching five 6 grade classes and not a whole lot else. I really don't know what 6 grade classrooms are like in the US. In Korea, they can be the ulcer-causing, head-ache inducing, chaotic nightmares. I really have no intentions of explaining what it's like further, so if you want to know, go ahead and message me. I'm just telling you because I'm scared....and it's not of the kids. I'm scared of myself.
Few things make me really mad. It turns out misbehaving Korean 6 graders are one of those things. I don't like to get angry, but nearly every Monday, I do. I shout (or maybe you would say scream?) and I lecture and pound the whiteboard with my fist. Today I took one of the students books and smashed it loudly on his desk. I HATE doing these things. Yet, I wonder, what else can I do? Twice since the semester began I simply gave up: I made everyone put their heads on their desks and we sat in silence for near twenty minutes.
I don't want to be the one who punishes bad behavior. I am a good teacher and I reward good behavior. I scare myself when I get angry at the kids. What scares me even more is the thought I had after classes today. What will I be like as a father who must discipline his children? I worry about that...
I can recall some memories of my dad getting angry with me and my siblings. There were times when I was very scared of my dad. I see my brothers discipline their children. Sometimes it scares me. I don't want to have to punish...but I know it comes with the job of being a father.
The look in the eyes of a child who is being punished has made me weep. I see the anger in the eyes of the punisher and the fear in the eyes of them being punished. I don't like it at all. Please pray for me as I deal with these things. Pray for my 6 graders.